Moving On After Miscarriage
A pregnancy ended by miscarriage can be a traumatic loss. Unfortunately, it's one that many women experience. Up to one in five known pregnancies ends in miscarriage.
What happened?
You probably didn't do anything to cause the miscarriage. If a pregnancy ends within the first three months, the embryo may not have been able to implant itself in the uterus. Or, it may not have started developing properly. Unfortunately, there is little that a doctor can do. Most women have a 70 percent chance that their next pregnancy will result in a healthy baby.
Dealing with grief
Being told that you can probably have a baby in the future may do little to lift your grief after a miscarriage. A miscarriage is a real loss, though others may not realize it.
Some people are reluctant to share their grief because they are afraid of others' reactions. They might have a partner who wants to simply forget the episode. Or, they may have well-meaning friends who say, "It just wasn't meant to be." This is meant to be compassionate, but isn't likely to comfort you if you are still grieving.
If you've had a miscarriage, it's important to acknowledge that your loss was real. Express your grief in whatever way you feel is appropriate. Some women need to talk about the dreams and hopes they had for the child. Others may need time to cry in private.
Most religions do not have a formal service to acknowledge miscarriage. Couples often create their own rituals to help give closure. Some plant a tree. Others light candles or say a prayer. For couples who have had problems conceiving or who have had multiple miscarriages, these rituals can be particularly important. They can let others know that the couple needs support.
In time, the grief will fade. But reminders such as seeing a baby or a pregnant woman might bring back sadness. These flashbacks of grief are normal. Even after you give birth, you may still occasionally think about the child you didn't have and wonder about what might have been.
Beyond friends and family
Here are some resources for more information about miscarriage.
Fertile Thoughts Web site. Includes newsgroups, e-mail lists, Web site links, and support groups for those who have miscarried: http://www.fertilethoughts.net
International Council on Infertility Information Dissemination. Support for those who have miscarried and information on infertility treatments: http://www.inciid.org
